The Why

The why of life, not only life itself and our life in the midst of all this life. What a question, and who hasn't asked it of themselves and in the world context. What drives you? Looking back in my life the one thing that drove me was anger. Anger at the world, at my Dad, who asked me to leave shortly after turning 19 and failing my first year of college, at authority, from my days in the Air Force during the Vietnam era.

Anger still drives me, anger at intolerance, at the Republicans who want to destroy our democracy for their permanent conservative, religious agenda, and throw civil liberties to the historic trash bin, at people, who don't want to take time to understand people and their lives, at the religious right, who want their agenda calling everyone else infidels, and not realizing their the same as those the call the enemy, and still at myself.

When I worked for the USGS I used to be angry at management, and especially people who put their careers ahead of their responsbilities as agents of the people and who use their staff for their own career and agenda. I spent the last four-plus years working for such a person, to discover he wasn't worth the time, which is partly why I retired, to get away from him and his stupidity about being a manager and supervisor, and a good civil servant of the people.

Anyway, I'm slowly learning to replace my anger with three feelings that have always been there but buried beneath the anger. But to let these feelings out takes time and patience, to let go of the anger and find the new. These are passion, curiousity and inspiration. I realize many people will just say it's a "Duh!", the obvious. Ok, then why do so many people don't have these feelings, or at least lose them in everyday life or forget they have them in their suite of feelings about life?

The passion is what makes you get up every day with a joy to go forward into the day. Passion is about experiencing what you do and want to do, to believe it has meaning somewhere you may not realize, let alone understand. It's not religious, but it's part of the human soul and spirit. Otherwise, you lie in bed waiting for the day to arrive and you must find a new reason to get up, if only for money to survive.

The other is curiousity. To question what is there and explore where it takes you, without any thought of if it's good or bad, but just is. To wonder, think and learn. To be curious about people, the world, events, life, the energy always flowing in and around us. To be in the moment with a sense of awareness.

The last is inspiration. Once you have passion, and are curious, inspiration leads to the new within you and with you as you think of new ideas and thoughts and do new things, if only to walk down an new street to look, see and find something new to express it with and through your talents.

Art is the results of all of these, it's in everyone. It's what I'm learning to do now.