A Conversation with God

This one act play is about a dream I had on the morning of my 50th birthday. It takes place in the my bedroom, a room with 1880's furniture from my father's parent home in Valley Falls, Kansas. It has a high double bed with tall head and foot boards with an oversized comforter and a light wool blanket across the foot for the chill in the early hours; a large four drawer dresser with an oversize silver back, thick glass mirror with beveled edges; a washstand with a towel rack holding a fresh wash rag and hand towel, pitcher and basin for washing, and the large storage for the potty basin; and a rocking chair, a wedding present to them in 1910. There are no night stands and only one antique lamp on the dresser to light the room. All of the furniture is the orignal dark stain to hide the grain, a sign of wealth in those days. A small travel alarm clock sits on the seat of the chair, on top of a neatly folded old Pendleton wool blanket. On one wall is a small collage filled with old trinkets, eye glasses, dried beans, and other small antique things. A large framed page from a Valley Falls Vindicator newspaper hangs on another wall, dated September 28, 1949. It is the page of ads and announcements, including one announcing the birth of a son born to the son of my grandparents.

The dream occurred in the darkness just before sunrise, the last one of that night. I am awakened by a voice from the shadows, from a place I can't define and from a person I can't see. It is a quiet voice but loud enough to be heard but not overpowering.

Opening scene: My bedroom in the early morning darkness. A voice comes from the shadows.

Voice: "Excuse, Mr. Knowles, please wake up. I'm here to discuss our warranty with you."

Me: "Huh, what warranty? And who are you?"

Voice: "I'm from the Human Species Department, Planet Earth Division, Small Solar System Subsidiary, Milky Way Galaxy Company, Universe Corporation, God Inc."

Me: "Huh? God Inc.?"

Voice: "Oh that. We took over the new universe when the last one collapsed."

Me: "Wasn't that the big bang?"

Voice: "Well, not really. You see the old universe went awry and the council decided to start over. To you humans, it appears like the big bang, but really is was the old one going into bankrupcy. The universal court decided than continue with new owners, and really messing up everything already created and operated, to just collapse everything and start over. They waited about a billion years or so until things started to develop when they approved the bid of God Inc. to take over the process, but this time they imposed more free and open rules on the owners."

Me: "I don't get it."

Voice: "You're not supposed to understand. You see God isn't really "the" God. And we all answer to a higher council and court, the ones who have continued the universe since the real beginning, geez, long before I came on the scene."

Me: "And you are? And this warranty?"

Voice: "Well, let's just say I'm a representative of God. You see we put a 50 year or 50,000 miles warranty on the human body."

Me: "Ok, wait a minute, I'm not awake here. Can I get up, make some coffee ,and we'll talk then?"

Voice: "I'm sorry, we're only allowed to catch you between being asleep and awake. You see you'll forget all about this conversation later, except to think it was a dream."

Me: "Ok, but what's this warranty stuff?"

Voice: "You see we have been slowly increasing the warranty on the human body, albeit slower until recent decades. A millenium ago it was 30 years or 30,000 miles, then about a few centuries ago we upped it to 40 years or 40,000 miles, and finally last century to the current 50 years or 50,000 miles."

Me: "So, what does that mean? Miles?"

Voice: "The miles were set before cars and mass transit where people had to walk or ride in a slow conveyence to get anywhere. And for the warranty, you know all those little aches and pains, and the sudden rash of small problems? Well, your body was fast approaching then end of its expected life span, and from now own, you're on your own."

Me: "I thought I was anyway. I didn't know I could get help from God."

Voice: "Well, you can't of course, except for your doctor and the medical community. We keep track of the trends of failures and report our findings to the Species Lifespan Review Committee."

Me: "I thought I was supposed to last to my early-mid 70's minus our family's inherited problems. After all most of the men in the family die between 75 and 78."

Voice: "Well, we kinda' misguessed the advance of human health conditions and medical technology in the last few decades. Yes, you could last that long, but before your 50's we could ask God for a rebate. And now that you've reached 50, we can't ask on your behalf."

Me: "Rebate?"

Voice: "Yes, you see the statisticians for God's Species Lifespan Office calculated the mean age of humans over the last few million years or so, and so for everyone who doesn't make that goal, we can extend the life of someone beyond that without suffering major problems."

Me: "Meaning there's an accounting somewhere?"

Voice: "Oh yes, we have an Human Species account in the Universal Life Bank."

Me: "And so it's always been a positive life flow?"

Voice: "Oh no, far from it. There were centuries we went in debt and had to borrow to keep the species from going extinct. But in the last few centuries we've managed to repay the loans and create a small surplus."

Me: "Surplus? What do you do with it?"

Voice: "We extend life as best we can. We can't account for natual causes and diseases, such as cancer, but we can extend the life of individuals for other circumstances if their health is good."

Me: "Meaning folks who reach 80 to 100 without any major health problems who celebrate having a 'good' life use credits?"

Voice: "Well, credits isn't the right word, it's more just preventing things from happening, but you have to lead a good life."

Me: "And if they don't?"

Voice: "Well, they were lucky or had exceptional health. Those people don't take from the account."

Me: "And the account comes from people who die before they're supposed to reach the average age?

Voice: "Yes and no. We can't count losses due to your own negligence."

Me: "Our own negligence?"

Voice: "War, famine, disasters, and other human activity don't count since it's human caused. The others were due a life that didn't happen, so God decided to help others have a longer life. It's not necessarily fair but it restores balance."

Me: "And those who die early?"

Voice: "We have a different department for their souls."

Me: "Balance? I don't see it, where's the balance if people still die?"

Voice: "Well, that's another issue with life in the universe, often discussed at the council with God, and presented to the oversight council every millenium."

Me: "God reports to a council?"

Voice: "Oh yes, how do you think we can account for everything at once? We're a big organization and everyone reports to God, and he answers to a council, kind of like a Board of Trustees. You didn't think you invented the idea? We put it in your minds."

Me: "Wow, I would think there are communications, technical and management problems."

Voice: "Oh no. We have instant communications and problems are resolved at warp speed. We're all on the same page with God."

Me: "Warp speed? I thought the speed of light is the universal limit."

Voice: "Goodness no, that's too slow of us. Imagine communicating at light speed across the Universe? Oh, I forgot you can't imagine that yet."

Me: "Yet?"

Voice: "Well, we have an office pool when your physicists will finally catch up with the reality of the universe than its appearance. We just love reading your latest journals."

Me: "Office pool?"

Voice: "That. Just forget I mentioned it. It violates the universal laws on species prediction. You won't mention it to anyone will you?"

Me: "How and to whom?"

Voice: "That's a relief, you can't. Whew, I'd be relagated to the subhuman species department if this leaked out. And that department is losing species faster than you know what. Oh, I forgot, you do know, but you're not caring enough to stop it."

Me: "I'm really impressed. So what does this mean in the end for me?"

Voice: "Not much really, except we now have to keep closer tabs on you. You baby boomers are creating havoc in our office, too many living too long for no apparent reason. It's like you're really enjoying life."

Me: "But we're a small group in the whole population of the planet, or so we think."

Voice: "True, but you're still skewing the statistics just enough to watch."

Me: "Does this mean we'll change the calculations and create a new warranty period?"

Voice: "Not really. After all, you're a blip in the global population. In short an anomaly. And we can only change the warranty period is increments, nothing less than 10 years at a time."

Me: "And what does this mean to me personally?"

Voice: "Oh, that's easy. You know the problems you've been having getting back to your prime physical shape, or when you were 40-45? That's history. You can't get back there without a huge effort and maybe breaking some parts. And remember you're lucky to be alive."

Me: "Lucky?"

Voice: "Oh, yes. Remember your rheumatic fever as a child?"

Me: "Yes."

Voice: "Well, a generation or two ago you would have long since passed away from lack of treatment or illness."

Me: "And?"

Voice: "Well, technology extended your life. We had a few years to give you from our accounts. And then there were those moments you were 'lucky' and averted disaster?"

Me: "Yes."

Voice: "We didn't want you to go just then, so we gave you insight at the right moment to spare you and your loved ones with you at the time."

Me: "So, you're saying I'm here from a little insight and luck and a positive account balance in the Universal Life Bank?"

Voice: "That's a good summary."

Me: "So, what's next?"

Voice: "Well, that's up to you. You see you won't be thoroughly rid of your depression, few of those with Dysthymia are ever free of it, especially after 50. But you can see through it and the beauty beyond. Not everyone can do that."

"Me: You don't let everyone see the beauty of life?"

Voice: "We do give everyone the capacity, but it's up to them to use it. Everyone has the potential, it's just not everyone sees or uses it."

Me: "That's sad. You don't give them insight or reminders?"

Voice: "Oh we do, but we can't control human nature. Once we set evolution in gear, as they say, we couldn't do anything except watch and account for the good and bad stuff."

Me: "But you give insight."

Voice: "Oh yes, definitely. The problem is that many people don't recognize it to use it. We've discussed this with the New Species Research Division."

Me: "New species research?"

Voice: "Yes, for the next universe. We can't change the current one. Only the council overseeing God's contract for this one can change things. That and the bankrupcy court if God can't make it work."

Me: "Change things. You mean you can do that?"

Voice: "Well, not really. You see it's all in the fine print. The council spelled out the criteria by which this universe works, and God has to direct the organization to make it happen and work."

Me: "The fine print? "

Voice: "That describes the framework for the universe and we fill in the details to a point. We can only really change the initial settings and the processes. Once started, we can't interfer. The New Species Research Division monitors and develops new ideas for the next universe."

Me: "And what can you do?"

Voice: "We can only make suggestions as things progress and make recommendations when things stop."

Me: "Stop?"

Voice: "Yeah, like a planet or solar system is destroyed. We can add our two cents."

Me: "I would certainly hope you would. We've done a great job of mucking things up."

Voice: "Well, yes you have, but that's another issue we'll discuss at the council."

Me: "So, is this a personal call or a generic one for anyone turning 50?"

Voice: "Oh, it's personal to you, and it's also generic. After all we only call when you turn 50, and other special occasions."

Me: "Special occasions?"

Voice: "Those times after 50 when the human spirit has reached critical mass."

Me: "Critical mass, what's that?"

Voice: "We're not at liberty to divulge our secrets, sorry."

Me: "But not before 50?"

Voice: "Only on rare occasions. That's a different department."

Me: "So, what's the deal with me then, if this is also personal."

Voice: "Well, we just like to say the doctors and researchers are right, from now on, you don't really get better, you can only keep things from getting worse. Kinda' slow the process a little."

Me: "Only a little."

Voice: "Well, barring cosmetic surgery and other life-enchancing surgeries of course, but, after all, that's why it's called aging."

Me: "So, I'm fighting a losing battle."

Voice: "Yes, everyone is, and you can change the course a little."

Me: "Only a little?"

Voice: "I'm sorry to say only a little. You must remember it's what happens along the way that's important."

Me: "The journey?"

Voice: "Yes."

Me: "You mean the Tao is right?"

Voice: "Yes, it's one way of looking an your existence, but you've been rather lazy the last few years."

Me: "Well, work you know."

Voice: "Yes, we know, but you haven't been doing a good job with your mental and physical health."

Me: "But I'm here and Greg didn't make it."

Voice: "Yes, we know and he had his own demons where we couldn't intervene until he reached 50. He didn't get there."

Me: "He might have changed his life if he..." (interrupted)

Voice: "I'm not here to discuss him, after all he made his choices in life. I'm here talking to you."

Me: "So what's the message other than do a better job, work harder and enjoy the trip?"

Voice: "Hmmm... Not bad, keep that in mind and you'll probably be ok."

Me: "Just probably?"

Voice: "Yes, life is random chance and choice. It's degrees of probably about you and the circumstances."

Me: "Gee, I'll remember that. So do you know when each of us reaches the end?"

Voice: "No, each of you are like the Turing machine, we never know when you end until you get there. That's why we have our statisticians keep track for the Big Guy's review."

Me: "Big Guy?"

Voice: "Well God is the CEO of everything, and to humans he's God, but to insiders he's the Big Guy."

Me: "Well, I appreciate the visit, and other words of wisdom or warning?"

Voice: "Oh yeah, just one. Watch out for people bearing promises of immortality. They're a hoax and they take a high fee for nothing."

Me: You mean the devil exists?"

Voice: "Oh no! I mean fellow human beings. Those 'religious ones.' Remember, there is no immortality, just their promise. Beside, have they ever proven it?"

Me: "I forgot. And you're right, no one has come back to say."

Voice:"God set the rules, planets, evolution and so on, and he let thing progress from there. Your religions are your own imagination and creation."

Me: "Can I wake up now? I have to hike today. You know it's my 50th birthday."

Voice: "Yeah, and boy are you going to be sore. But hey, it's only your life. By the way, I like the furniture, family heirlooms?"

Me: "Yeah, the bedroom set is late 1880's from my father's parents house. The rocking chair was wedding present to his parents. I've always liked the feeling, the connection to my past."

Voice: "I like the newspaper, especially the announcement of your birth. Someone cared to keep and frame the page all this time."

Me: "They found it in the attic when they cleaned out the house."

Voice: "Well, I'd like to continue this conversation with you, but I have to go, lots of people turning 50 today and still visit."

Me: "Will someone come again?"

Voice: "Yes, if you don't die suddenly and it's your time. Our Quality of Life representative will call on you."

Me: "Quality of Life representative? Not God?"

Voice: "Oh, you'll eventually meet God. You know when you're in a crisis about your life, if you've lead a good one but have a few regrets, they may call on you. It depends on your needs."

Me: "Goodbye."

Voice: "Enjoy the rest of your life."

Closing scene: The voice fades with the coming morning light.